Raising A Little Cain

Stressed

2011-07-07T10:13:00.001-05:00

Debating on not allowing Rayne to watch toddlers in tiaras because she is modeling the attitudes and fits she is seeing. I just think she thinks she can get away with it too. Ugh.

I made her happy

2011-07-01T21:39:00.001-05:00

Now my kiddie doesn't get to play with my cell but likes to see what I am doing. So, today I downloaded a hello kitty back ground while she napped let me say girl squeals are freaking loud! Just sayin.

Friday 7/1/11

2011-07-01T10:28:00.002-05:00

So, Not much to update but felt like writing. Rayne is playing in her room with her blocks. Got an hour until the dreaded nap time. Indy and Biscuit are sleeping off full tummies. I am at the pc waiting for nap time so I can clean the house and get some quiet. My head is still hurting and I still have the tunnel vision in one eye. Damned if I don't have insurance. I would of already been at the doctors office. Monday I need to call my one doctor I see so I can get a refill of medication. Life is quiet today just hope it stays that way.

Why is it...

2011-06-30T22:42:00.001-05:00

So hard to get a four year old to clean her room? No matter how many times I ask it comes down to a time out just to get her to clean up the mess she made. Ugh.

I hate being uninsured I can't get any dental work done or anything else for that matter. If I break something we are screwed.

Some days I just want to cry my eyes out and stay in bed. But, I can't a little person depends on me. I hate being depressed and feeling hopelessness. I need a magic cure.

I guess that is it for now. Might try writing daily. Ya never know I just might get back to clogging.

Just enjoying life

2011-06-30T10:58:00.002-05:00

Rayne is happy as can be. She is growing so much. I really need to weigh and measure her. She is a big nut and loves to laugh. She loves playing with the dogs. Need to take her back to the pool but first we need to get her some arm floats. Her Lifevest keeps rolling her over on her back.

All in all life is wonderful.

Life has been so hectic

2011-06-24T22:28:00.000-05:00

Raising a active 4 year old isn't easy. I never said it was but boy is he active. I have a bad sunburn due to swimming yesterday. I kept the sunscreen on us both and I ended up burned. At least she had a blast. Today we got to go to the 1.50 theater ( thanks to pop pop) and she got to see HOP and swore to never eat a jelly bean ever. If you haven't seen it when you do you will understand. She is happy and active. I am trying hard to venture out and get involved in things with her. Next week will be a lot of parks with hopfully at least two visits to the pool and maybe one to the movies or rent a redbox movie. I am trying hard to get her out to see other kids. It makes me nervous and anxious but I am trying.

She is tall and I need to measure her. She is weighing in at 37ish lbs she gets frustrated because she is under 40 and stuck in a car seat. She told Matt a couple of days ago she wants to get tall enough to ride on the fair rides. She cracks me up.

Pop Pop is staying with us for a bit and she loves it so much. She can't get enough of him. It is cute watching them together. I am happy to have dad around some more. I missed him.

Matt is doing well got a good job now(had a scare for a few weeks due to a layoff type of issue) and he seems to enjoy it.

Indy is doing good just got to work on excitement issues but doing good. Biscuit is well Biscuit. Love them both but some days geeze worse then a toddler.

All in all things are great and I can't wait for another day. Being sunburnt sucks but life moves on.

Thanks for reading,
Beverly(aka Fox)

Update

2011-01-26T00:19:00.000-06:00

Well life is moving along. We are into the Year 2011 and well this seems to be a great year so far.

Monkey is about 41.5 inches and averages about 32lbs. She is tall and skinny. Long blonde hair as normal and her eyes are still that stunning blue they were the day she was born. She is in love with dancing and horses. She has an imaginary friend that is named Lucky. It is a horse. Lucky likes to pull the buggy in the store. She cracks me up. The other day when we went to Bed, Bath and Beyond She told Lucky to go eat grass next to the truck so he wouldn't bump anything in the store. Awww my thoughtful little girl.

Everyday she dresses up in her dress up clothes and preforms a dance she makes up in her room before dinner. She is so cute.

We are working on learning colors, tieing shoes, and her learning to read.

I can't believe she is 4 now. It feels like just yesterday she was in my arms breastfeeding.

I am doing great. I start a new diet soon and hope to lose all this excess weight. I miss being a healthy size and want to get my health back on track. I have 2 dogs and 2 guinea pigs to care for besides the Monkey. Life is looking up and I am moving on.

Got my divorce finally. That was a great feeling knowing that chapter was closing.

My plans for this year is:
1. lose 100lbs
2. train my dogs to a standard I have set in my dog training blog ( which I need to update)
3. Blog on a regular basis.
4. start running again
5. enroll Monkey in a dance class or something like that.

I have other plans but am waiting for things to fall into place before I post about them.

As always thank you for taking time and reading our blog.

Beverly and Monkey

So the Kidlet is growing up some.

2010-10-02T22:43:00.000-05:00

This is the monster that both drives me batty but also makes my heart melt with one look from those baby blues. She is my kidlet and I love her to bits. She is reading 1st grade sightwords!! She also is excelling in all her school work except in colors. We are working on that. I need to make her another appointment to sit down and talk with her doctor about a more extensive eye exam. That and she complains of headaches every morning now. I worry her eyes might be bothering her and because she can't tell you what color things are or what letter something is (working on her abc names but she can read) it is harder to judge her sight.

Other then that she is growing up and she will be 4 years old in under 3 months. Where has the time gone? I miss the days of her being cuddled up and looking up at me and just smiling. I get that now but its not the same as when she was so tiny. She stands taller then my kitchen counters and just hit 31lbs steady. I will get her measurements soon. She loves to learn and loves to pretend taking care of her baby doll. We bought her a bassinet and car seat for the baby and are planning on making her room more like a small apartment. Including kitchen, laundry, and baby area. She is also getting a TV in her room with only one cable channel. Sprout! She loves that channel and it is all I hear about in the mornings. She gets 2 hours total T.V. time other then that her bum is in her room or in my office either playing or learning. We have outside time when the weather allows it. She loves the Zoo. We have annual membership so she can run and play on the play ground and see her TIGERS. They are her favorite animal lately.

Her hair is long in the back. Only part that is cut is her bangs and frame around the face to keep her from eating it. It is so pretty when freshly washed and dried and she goes outside the sun makes it look golden. She is Tanned under the clothes from playing in the back yard in a bathing suit most the summer when it wasn't to hot. She loves to chase the dogs with a water hose.

She loves to go out to the store and just walk around. The outfit in the photo above is one she picked out all on her own while I was looking at Halloween things. She picked them up and asked if we could get them for her. $10 dollars for a skirt and shirt to fit her wasn't to bad. Next week we are going to get some Halloween things to decorate and for use to wear on Samhain night. We are all excited here.

She loves to help light the Hestia alter everyday. She says her prayers every night. She wakes up in the mornings most the time happy and ready to learn and play. I love watching her grow. She has taught me how to look at the world through another's eyes. To see her get excited about a bug, flower, cloud, or even the Moon is a blessing. She may drive me nuts but I love my daughter and will forever.

Now I leave you with another photo I hope you enjoyed my moment of thought on this update. I am just in awe of my 3 almost 4 year old.

Peace, love and snotty noses.

Beverly and T-Bone

so school has started.

2010-09-27T17:18:00.000-05:00

T can read some words. I am so proud of her. I have some help from my boyfriend but I am her primary teacher. I love teaching her. Some days it is pretty frustrating but for the most part just the joy on her face as it clicks in her. She gets so excited. She just loves to learn!!

Loss is it really a matter of “get over it”?

2010-09-03T14:48:00.001-05:00

I have a hidden secret that some people are learning about me. I had a still born son 9 years ago. He had a hidden heart defect that when I gave birth to him he died. I have always felt that was my fault. I know now that it wasn’t. I don’t remember the birth to much due to my brain blocking it out. I just deal with the loss as I get older. I see my beautiful little girl growing up and it makes me long to see him and have him grow up to. I wonder what could of been. Where we would be now and if our life would be different. I cry myself to sleep a lot. I feel insecure and lonely. I wonder if it is because I long to hold him.

I am often told to “get over it”. How the hell can people expect you to get over it? How can someone who has never gone through the grief and the whole gauntlet of feelings one feels when losing a child expect you to just “get over it”? I just am appalled by how some people are so careless in this world. Every year my son gets older in my heart and mind and every year I am faced with the feelings and hurt that I felt then. Time and time again I hear those words “get over it already”. Don’t people know if I knew how to get over it I would of done it already? I know people who elected to abort a child. I wonder how they live with themselves knowing they could just get over it? I feel a person needs time to grieve and cope. I was denied that until I started to remember fully what happened and what exactly took place. I am slowly starting to heal and cope with the pain that came with losing my first child. I have my daughter and plans to have more children to look forward to but forever I will miss and yearn for my son.

Update of sorts

2010-09-03T13:55:00.001-05:00

We are doing well. Just living life and moving forward. I am tired a lot but not sure why. I sleep at least 8 hours and I stay tired. Just another thing to deal with in life.

T is doing awesome she is doing great with reading and learning how to draw. She still has issues with her colors.

Matthew is doing well. Work has him busy all the time but we make due.

Me like I stated up in the post I am tired. I don’t feel like doing much of anything. I wish I was more motivated. Not sure how to get motivated though. Life throws me curve balls a lot. Can not wait until I can get some insurance so I can figure out what is wrong with me.

Family rarely calls or emails other then random face book chatter. I give up on it. They have my number they can call me.

Training the pooch is getting there but not there yet. We have a conference to attend so we are taking her. Yay I get 4 days to cram information into that poor pooches brain. She is smart as can be just a horrible attention span. She goes from wow mom what you want me to do to oh bug! in less then 3 seconds. I love her thou. Matthew gets aggravated because she Bays instead of barks so she sound different. I love it thou. She is my Duchess. (her name was Kallie)

Well that is all for now. I am off to do house duties. Hugs to my readers and until next time. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

Weekly WrapUp.... #1

2010-08-07T20:04:00.001-05:00

1. Monday we mowed the front lawn and boy did it need it.We had a Vet Visit on Monday for Nova. She is hurting in her hips and back but the Vet put her on more Pain medication and a better antibiotic to treat her UTI that still hasn't left her system. She seems better able most days to get around but its only been less then a week.
2. Tuesday we had a City wide Family's night out. I went but less then an hour out there had to come home. It was to much on my stress level to stay. To many people. T was also being a turd and wouldn't listen at all.
3. Wednesday was slow. Not much done. I got sick with something to do with my sinus' it sucks. But all in all it was ok.
4. Thursday was a little more fun. T and me played but I had to rest a bit too. I am still sick but eh I hope I will live.
5. Friday was eventful. T got a book from the state book program for children. She loves it. We also (even with me sick) went to the Williamson Co. Fair in Franklin. It was fun. T is big enough to ride the bigger rides now. She had a blast. I blew my diet with Fair food. I was ok until the ride home. I had a serious sneezing fit going 70 down the interstate. I was driving. I finally got to where I could pull over for Matt to drive. It was freaking scary. My chest, neck and face hurts from this damned cold.
6.Saturday was a lazy day Matt is off work so he caught a nap. While I am sick he is cooking meals. Its funny.

All in all the week was ok besides my being sick.

Now for dog training weekly wrapup....
1. Monday- Working on Level Book By Sue Ailsby . We started the Come command and the 3 of the 4 girls have it down pretty good. Granted this is calling them from the back yard and they are starting to respond to the command. The Puppy is the one still having issues with it. She doesn't understand what I am asking for but she is 5 months old and learning. With the puppy she has learned how to sit, down and settle. Settle is our crate command. We are working on the release for that one. She has to learn "Settle Zen" before it is successful. At least she doesn't cry at night when in the crate. Now to get her to be calm when we go to let her out. She does this horrible pawing at your feet when she wants you to do something. Toe nails meeting flesh hurts! Working on that too.
2. Tuesday- Girls are getting the come command more and more everyday. Next week we plan on starting to work on just Puppy alone on a 30 + foot lead line. Wish us luck.
3. Wednesday- Zoe is starting to be more and more naughty. Poor puppy is being abused by her. We are deafinatly not leaving them alone to long. We are considering rehomeing Zoe due to this.
4. Thursday- Nova is peeing when she is laying down. Vet says it is because of the UTI we are wondering if it is incontinence. Overall good day.
5. Friday- Good day. Girls all come when called. As a group yes. Singles we need to work on it. All kiddos know their names.
6. Saturday- Grooming day. Went well everyone wanted to be combed even the very short haired pup. They are adorable. Wish I could bathe Nova her butt stinks like pee. Might get some baby wipes to help with that.

Thanks for reading. Comments welcome as always.

Beverly and family.

Friday Fill In!!!!

2010-08-06T13:22:00.002-05:00

1. Life is _hard____.

2. _Just____ keep going.

3. My last text message (or IM) ended in these three words:_are broke again.____.

4. __Steak___ is what I'm thinking about for dinner sometime soon.

5. On the 1st day of August _I got to snuggle with my two favorite people.____

6. __Taylor___ lively and energetic.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to _quiet time and a movie____, tomorrow my plans include _training dogs, cleaning house and preparing Matt's birthday cake.____ and Sunday, I want to __Relax and get things clean for the next week.___!

Got this Meme from Friday Fill ins

Question Thrusday.

2010-08-06T10:41:00.002-05:00

Once a week I will post a question for my readers to give me advice on.

This weeks question is a Parenting one.

How should I handle my 3 yr olds temper fits? Most the time she is well behaved but every now and then she will throw a fit that seems to last all day. I am looking for ways to avoid a spanking. I do time outs, taking fun things away, and talking to her. Tell me how you handle when your child has an out burst.

I am a day late I know....

What does family mean to you?

2010-08-05T21:37:00.001-05:00

To me the word means togetherness. Means being there and a support system for when things start falling apart. Family can be blood related or they can be friends that have been there and are so close they are family. They don't bail on you for nothing. You can have a fight with your family be mad for a bit then get over it.

Now days people seem to forget what family is. They want to back stab and disrespect one another and just be "evil". How can people do these things and then claim they are family. How can you say your family then turn around and ignore them and forget they exist? Why do families have "black sheep" in them? Why can't they just be a Family?

I write this because I am hurting. My whole family is a mess. They do nothing but make drama for themselves. Yet they claim I am a drama queen. My "real" family will tell you I am the furtherest thing from that. I want to be close with my mom, dad, and two brothers but I think that is impossible. I always feel uncomfortable around any of them. I feel like I am out of place. So, I have decided to put those who hurt me "at arms length". If anyone wants to be my "family" then they have to start acting like it. No more running at the mouth and back stabbing. No more treating one another like dirt when they are not around. I can't stand for it any more. I just want positive supportive people around me from now on. I have enough problems on my own to deal with then what family member is going to start shit with me this time.

NaBloPoMo- June- Now

2010-06-01T12:51:00.001-05:00

When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a animal veterinarian. Large animal to be exact. I dreamed of either working with Large Cats or even Elephants. What happened to that dream has a lot to do with my past and I changed my dream to adjust to what I am doing now. I cherish my daughter everyday and Love being a stay at home mommy. To satisfy my want to care for animals I am a Foster mom for a greyhound adoption group called All about Hounds. My main goal in life is to raise my children to be functional and smart adults and save as many dogs as I can.

I have also become a devoted friend, girl friend, and mother because my heart wants it. I want to be the best I can be for my family now that I have gotten older. I want still to be a veterinarian but I know now that my true calling in life is to be a mother.

This is my daily blog post for NaBloPoMo.

What the hell is up with this world!!!!

2010-05-18T14:11:00.001-05:00

First I find out a friend of mine knows of a child who goes to school with her children is dieing. Now I find out a woman who I have known of for a few years is dealing with a volleyball sized mass in her abdomen and the great wonderful state of Texas turned her away when she asked for help. This woman is a mother of 3 and a dedicated wife. She is someone’s sister, mother, daughter, aunt. They are working towards getting a fundraiser for her. Because she doesn’t have insurance she has to pay it all up front. I mean come on people get your shit together. I just am baffled by this crap. Here where I live if a woman gets something like this they help you. The hospital she was at discharged her. I REPEAT DISCHARGED HER!!!! This should of been removed as soon as it was found!!!! IT(the mass) has grown rapidly and now is pushing on organs and can kill her.

What is wrong with this system? Obama is pushing healthcare but look someone is falling thru the hoops!!!! I can’t believe this place. I mean if we were illegal aliens here we could get help. But if your white and work for yourself you can’t get SHIT. Someone explain this shit to me. I really want to understand why someone like this woman is dealing with a mass she can’t get removed that just may take her life. It is almost like no one cares. This woman is a stay at home mom that works from home. She is a dedicated mother to 3 little girls that need their mom. This shit has got to stop.

If I had the money to send to this woman to get her to a doctor I would. This woman needs a mere $500 dollars just to be SEEN. I really wish there was something more I could do. I will try my best to donate something. It may not be much but damn it I will do my best!

I wonder if it shouldn’t be called terrible 3’s instead.

2010-05-17T13:41:00.001-05:00

Taylor has been naughty for the past few weeks. This kiddo is going out of her way to get into things that she “knows” not to get into. As soon as she is caught she starts saying sorry. I swear I can’t wait until she figures out this compulsion issue. The biggest issue I have currently is not her ruining toilet paper or wasting a whole tube of tooth paste on my floor. It is her feeding grapes to the dogs. Grapes are toxic to dogs in large doses. I am not happy with the fact I will more then likely have to stop getting grapes for a while. I am trying to get us eating more healthy and fresh fruit is a big part of our new diet. Grapes are a fave in our house. I just have to stop buying them I guess. Anyone have any tips on keeping a child out of the fridge or even the kitchen in the middle of the night or early mornings. We have a baby gate up but she moved it. I am currently pricing permanent gates to go in the kitchen/living room doorway to keep the dogs in the kitchen and the kid out. I just wish my little girl was the same little girl she was last year. *sigh*

random rambling

2010-05-04T12:35:00.001-05:00

As some people who know me. I am currently looking for a pup to train for service work. We got a puppy but she started to show way to much aggression for what I am needing. So she is getting a home with more children and a family that will love her as much as we do.

Now, to let everyone know I am taking in a potential dog that is showing promise. She is 1 year old and a German Shepherd. I get to meet her tonight. Her name is Zoey. (a nick name I had while in High school) I am nervous and excited. I hope she is a fit. I am tired of feeling trapped inside my home and having to rely on others to go any where.

On another note. Someone contacted me about Dakota the bunny everyone in the house is showing allergies to. He will be going to an 18 acre farm with another rabbit and he will be an indoor rabbit.

I am just wanting to have things work out for my family and if that means me rehoming some of my pets then I will work really hard to find them perfect homes.

On another news front. Taylor is being a silly willy all the time. We were out working on the garden and she was playing in the yard. We haven’t mowed the back yard in a bit so when she sits down she almost dissappears. It makes me laugh so much. She wants to play outside and help me garden all the time. I love it. She loves books and nature and so feels like this is how life is supposed to be.

This past week I have been really depressed. My weight and the way I look is starting to get to me. I am really trying to get over it but its really a struggle. I want to be in a better mood I know I have things I need to get done but I just can’t do it. I am thankful for the people around me being so understanding. I am hoping getting Zoey will help with my issues.

Taylor’s home schooling is going really well. She makes such a cute attempt to say her ABC’s she counts but still tries to only say them odds only. We are working hard on it. She loves to draw and “read”. Her reading is looking at the books and making up her own stories. I can’t wait for her to actually start reading on her own. I love reading to her. I need to get her a reading program started. I might purchase a phonics system for her. I really enjoy starting her homeschooling. We are researching the right way to do it.

My biggest battle with Home school is my family. They all seem to be against it. I am sorry I don’t parent the way everyone else does. I feel Home School is a better choice for my family and I feel it is more my job to make sure my children learn.

We are working on getting her involved in Cheerleading and Gymnastics. She also keeps telling me she wants to make music. So we are starting to expose her to musical instruments so she can find one she likes if she wants to play one.

I have been working on a garden and its so not easy. I have been doing it slowly because I get out of breath with all the pollen kicking up. Taylor tries so hard to help. She will run with weeds and throw them in the pile at the other side of the yard. She is a nut most the time. Makes me laugh. I will get my camera out and start taking more photo’s soon. I just have been so down lately.

I know this is just a bunch of rambling but I haven’t blogged in so long that I just have no theme or topic anymore. I want to blog. I want to write but I keep hitting these damn writer blocks and it pisses me off.

Thanks for reading,

Beverly

So I am trying to work on the blog.

2010-04-30T15:24:00.001-05:00

I just can’t figure out what to blog about or even when to blog. I just am hitting a road block all the time. Wishing I had ideas or something to write about. Taylor has hit a major temper tantrum phase and not much going on to write about. I would like to see the blog grow and become more then just an updating blog. I write a dog adoption blog also but this blog is getting neglected a lot. If anyone has any idea’s please by all means write me and let me know.

Beverly.

update…

2010-04-28T21:28:00.001-05:00

Well I have been sick for about 2 weeks now. Doing better everyday but my lungs and chest hurt from coughing so much. Been busy with dealing with a temperamental 3 year old and 3 crazy furKids. AAH has kept me busy too. Been going to as many functions as we can. Been putting Dove out there to get her a forever home. I have also been working on finding Taylor a Curriculum for home school.

Taylor is growing like a weed. She is being a pain on top of it. Lately she has been throwing fits and clingy to us. She keeps saying her head hurts and her body hurts. I am thinking it is growing pains. I gave her Motrin but its not easing her attitude. I hope she snaps out of it soon.

The furKids are turds as always. Biscuit and Dove are the older two and are more calm not always but most the time. Sofie is a sock eating terror and she eats them while they are on your feet! I hope she picks up the biting softly training. I want her to use her mouth that is why I am not pushing the NO biting. I want her to learn how to open doors and pick up things so teaching her not to bite would make it hard to teach her to put something in her mouth.

Matt works alot and takes to us being here pretty good. He does things with us for fun when he can. We work together to keep the house clean and He will take Taylor while I go to curves. Lately I have missed Curves due to being sick and not able to breathe.

So that is my update of sorts.

Beverly

Snuggled up.

2010-04-22T14:23:00.001-05:00

I have gotten another service dog for training. Her name is Sofie and well she is a ball of energy for sure. She is active and so cute. We love her to bits.

Her asleep

Her being Kung fu doggie.

She is a pint sized terror in our house. We love her but lord does she hurt when she sinks in her puppy teeth.

Other then Sofie we have a foster Greyhound from a group called All About Hounds. Her name is Dove

Dove asleep with Sofie on one of our many blankets around the house.

Dove the Day I brought her home from the Vets office. She was a donor dog for 6 years of her 8 years on this world. She deserves a better home and a family to love her. She is a blessing for sure.

I am debating on college for either Web Design or Business management. Still weighing it out.

Taylor is doing well. She is going through her drama days but all is good. We plan on getting her into Cheer and possibly swim lessons. She is happy to have fun for sure.

I am doing ok. Been sick lately with a cold that has gone down into my chest. So working on getting that taken care of.

I hope everyone has a great week and I hope to start posting more.

Beverly

Taylor’s dream

2010-04-12T19:19:00.001-05:00

Taylor has been wanting to be a cheerleader since before she turned 2. So, I am thinking of enrolling her in tumbling classes for summer. She really seems like she could handle the fun of it. Once she shows stress from it I am not going to press her to do it. Yes I want her to be disciplined and do a sport but I always want it to be fun for her.

Taylor at 3…

2010-04-02T11:23:00.001-05:00

I still can’t believe my little girl is 3. She has grown up so much from this little bundle to a active little girl. She makes me beam with happiness everyday I see her smile. I love the wonder in her eyes when she discovers something new. I am amazed at how much she remembers and learns everyday.

I am told by everyone around me how smart she is for 3 and how she is wonderful to be around. It blows me away. I always thought I was just biased when I said she was smarter then the average 3 year old. I am told a lot by everyone around us that she is really smart and everyone here supports the home school option we have chosen.

Taylor is over 3 ft tall and weighs in at more then 30lbs. She is tall and slender and demands to be a cheerleader. We are working to get her into gymnastics and cheerleading. Taylor is determined when she puts her mind to something. I am proud to be her mom.

Being a mom is something I didn’t really think of until I had her. She was my saving grace when I needed someone. She to this day saves me with each smile. My life is about her and her happiness.

I have company…

2010-03-25T10:02:00.001-05:00

My friend from Bowling Green, KY is down visiting for about 4 days. I am happy to have her here.

Taylor loves her to bits and missed her. They are playing and doing Cheerleading things hehe.

My friends Nephew is a cheerleader and wants us to see his last competition in Nashville. I don’t mind going at all think it will be fun.

We are going to be going into town today to the store and sight see. Not much to see but it is something to do. I think my friend is having fun with Taylor.

Today...

2010-03-24T13:42:00.000-05:00

I am awaiting the email that sets our home visit to foster home a retired greyhound. I am excited and nervous. Along with fostering these wonderful dogs. I may be helping run the website. I am starting to feel that I am useful and needed.

Taylor is in a better mood for the past say two days she has been being a naughty little girl. Pitching fits and hitting are not a good thing at all. She is settling down nicely where we are living and loves Matt and life is starting to feel whole again.

I am starting to see that life was meant to be this way and that it just took me growing up and going through things to make me appreciate what I have more now. One of these days I need to give some background of who Matt is and what he has been to me all these years. Today is not that day. I want to get back into Blogging and Photography and I will work on that. Also I am going to be going back to college. I am going for a degree in Business Management woohoo!!! I am pretty proud of myself for locking down and going back. I will be doing my degree at home. Matt is very supportive of this and wants me to succeed.

We are going to work on getting things worked out on my side of life. (example number one is my divorce) I am happy to finally feel things starting to look up. I do know that I won't let myself sink low again. I need to carry my head high and do what is best for Taylor and Me.

We are going to foster!!!

2010-03-23T13:07:00.001-05:00

We have decided to foster home greyhounds until we find at least one we love and is the right dog for me! I am so excited and am waiting for the email they want me to fill out for foster care. I just am so excited. Just now to prepare T and the critters.

A fresh start.

2010-03-17T14:21:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me knows I have been thru alot of things. Some being my fault and some being no ones fault.
I left Eric due to issues with anger and outburst. I felt it was better for Taylor and myself. I was starting to feel I had to walk on eggshells. I could not take it any longer and decided to move. I moved back to a place where I grew up. I am happier and T is adjusting well. She has her own space and is happier. She is allowed to be a kid and mistakes are ok.

I am sorry for the ones I have hurt and do feel deeply sorry for it. But my daughter has to come first in my life. I want nothing more then for her to be happy and worry free. I am working on getting my life put back together and in order for me to move on.

I have another blog to document my training dogs. I am seriously considering starting a business with dog training and maybe pet sitting. I will post the link when I get the site ready. I hope this finds everyone well and I truly hope this is a fresh start for me. More to come later.

small update

2009-08-29T20:21:00.002-05:00

small update. taylor is getting big. wish i could get a job that wasn't temporary. love where i am living wish i had my tags all updated. other then that we are good.

note this was done with my cellular

sorry....

2009-05-27T16:50:00.003-05:00

for not being so active. i moved and hit a bump in the finace department. still looking for work and not finding anything. when i get back home from mom's i am going to put in a resume to a car lot looking for a data entry job.

monkey is growing up fast. is happy where we are.
my car broke down and well taking my time fixing it as money is tight.
my friend has decided to move to florida finally. she is here and likes it. i am happier but wish i could get my divorce over with already.
waiting on florida to make up its mind if they are gonna approve us for asstiance or not.
monkey has dealt with a viral mouth infection the past week. seems to be going away.
one of my roomies has taken to her so much. i wish my divorce would hurry up so i can move on with my life.

well that is it for now. sorry about the grammar part i am pretty out of it.
got any questions just leave a comment.

We have new arrivals!!!!

2009-04-07T19:44:00.003-05:00

I had one rat for a pet but she was so lonely as they are social critters. I saw a post on a forum(Rat Forum) I am on for two 5 month old girls for free. I told my mother about them and she let me borrow the battle wagon (a 4-wheel drive excursion) to go get them. I got two dumbo blue girls that are so scared. I was told they are hand tame. They are not. I am working with them though. They love to be fed for sure. I am working on hand taming and gaining trust. I might start a sister blog just for ratty information and antics of these girls. I also might get some boys(fixed of course no unexpected kits) so I can compare and enjoy them too!! I love these guys they are clean and super smart. We have a total of three girls.

Josie- 6 months- self,standard,champagne- she is the first
Ashleigh-5 months- Veriberk,dumbo,blue/white
Sophie-5 months- Berk,dumbo,blue/white

We adore them. I am working on gathering supplies and plans on a new home for them. I can't wait!!!

So everyone wants me to cut her bangs...

2009-04-07T08:15:00.002-05:00

I REFUSE!!! I don't like bangs and don't want Monkey to have them. So I say HELL NO. Just wish everyone would leave me be about it.

Life has it's ups and downs...

2009-04-04T22:16:00.004-05:00

I don't even know where to start.

I am currently working on getting a job and a way to and from work. We just moved and lord is the house and life in upheaval. I just can't put my head around anything right now. I am working on keeping my relationship with my best friend OK. I am scared to do anything to hurt "us". Monkey is growing like a weed and well learning by leaps and bounds. I just hope I can keep her discipline in check. Our pet rat keeps escaping in the middle of the night to sleep on me. It is NUTS. I am holding up pretty well just get kinda down some days. Thinking to much I think. I hope I can deal with my issues and get past this last chapter in my life. I am so ready to be completely done with all of it.

I wish I had a little more privacy in my life right now. I can deal. (I think) I am thinking of starting to get themes to blog about as I am starting to get bored with just random updates. I don't know how many people actually read my blog. Wish I knew.

I am thinking about learning how to write in HTML so I can edit my blogs a little better.

I am debating on investing in getting a blogging program and buying my name so it will be short and simple. I don't know yet.

I have just been told I type fast. (laughing to myself on that one)

I almost had a complete melt down today due to my brothers. They don't freaking know how to LISTEN. I wish they did. I just can't figure out why they do this. When their father is home they mind him completely. He is overseas right now and they don't want to listen to anyone unless you are going to spank their butts. I just don't get them. I am so tired of it. So, I snapped today.

Update... Middle of the night... can't sleep

2009-04-01T01:23:00.004-05:00

I am sitting here finished reading the last of the Twilight Saga and was like hmm haven't updated in a while. We have been moving my mother from one home to her new one down the road. (mental note update the address to important people) Not much as changed Monkey is growing by leaps and bounds and is talking a lot more. She is my little toddler. I see more of her intelligence everyday. She is soooo smart. I am doing ok just dealing with some not being able to sleep issues tonight. Just stressing about looking for work and the fact that my car is once again acting up. (mental note maybe think about another car) I sit here in the dark listening to my mother and daughter snore and giggle to myself. Why couldn't life always be this happy?

I have found that place in my life where I have never been happier. I take it all in day by day. I hope to never lose the happiness I have right now in my life. I feel complete is all I can say. Monkey is happy too. She never has a worry in the world any longer. I can't explain the joy I have every time I look in her eyes. I need to get a camera so that I can take pictures to capture that look in her eyes. I fear the day that stress of day to day will take that look away. I hope she over comes it and will always be my happy little girl. I to have found that happiness and cling to it fearlessly.

I wait for the day that my certified mail comes to see what kind of divorce I will have. I fear I will have to go and fight it. I won't give up my daughter without a fight. I am doing what I feel is best for her. I will fight until I can no longer breath. I have been her primary care taker since she was born. I am still her primary care taker. I have no help from her father and have asked for nothing from him but our divorce. In the beginning I offered him time with her and he would never set a date or compromise with me so I don't see where I am doing anything wrong with trying to get on my feet and care for her fully on my own. I have my mother's help right now and will be on my way soon to full Independence from everyone. I just wish he would make up his mind if he wants to be around her or not. I moved so that I could get on my own. I didn't do this to hurt anyone. I needed the support of a caring family and that is why I moved. I just wish people would get that. My family is all I have to help me through this. I left him due to not being able to be compatible with each other. I am finally happy on my own with my friends and family. I am loved and happy that way.

I have a question for everyone. I know people see my blog but no one leaves comments. I am kinda hurt. Why read a blog and then leave not a single comment weather bad or good or just a hey I saw this and wanted to say I was here? Oh well I write this to give me and out in my own bubble of thoughts. Just was kinda hurt.

Thanks for reading this everyone!!!!

Twillight obsession has begun...

2009-03-26T12:46:00.003-05:00

I know this has nothing to do with being a single parent but lord i can't put the books down. HELP ME!!! lol

Life is rocking!!!!!

2009-03-24T11:47:00.002-05:00

So, I went to brunch with a friend. Tinker was awesome. The food sucked!!

I wonder somethimes what I will tell Tinker when she is older and she asks me why her daddy isn't around. I plan on telling her that her father and I chose not to stay together cause we didn't get along. I feel that is the best I can tell her until she can fully understand why. I plan on telling her the truth of what happened and why I left.

Back to why life is rocking.

I have been happier now then I have ever been. Well except the other day when people tried to start drama with me. I am around people that truely care for me and want me to succeed!!! I am just so happy. LIFE IS GOOD!!!!!!

What is wrong with people?????

2009-03-23T12:51:00.005-05:00

I am slowly finding my happiness and well people are starting to try to end it. I don't know what I have done to deserve this. All I want is for Monkey and I to be happy. I hate that people can't keep to thier own business and keep out of mine. I am through with drama! I am cutting it out period end of discussion.

a small piece of heaven...

2009-03-19T15:24:00.003-05:00

When i look into my daughters eyes i swear it is a small piece of heaven. I hope and pray she never loses that look in her eyes. She is the reason i wake everyday. I wonder how anyone could give her up. She is quirky and smart. She is 2 and I am so amazed at her everyday. I wonder what she thinks when she gets to playing with something. She has started asking me questions about things. I fear the day she actually understands everything. She is just to damn interesting. I love my daughter with all my heart. I love to watch her sleep. Not only is it time i get to have to myself but she is so darn cute!!!

So, Helping my mother...

2009-03-18T17:36:00.002-05:00

So, my mom found a place and now we have to pack up and move. It is further out of the way. Means I am going to be driving even further for a job. I want to live in Pensacola so it is worth the drive. Just sucks that it is that far out. The house has a pool and a play set for the kids. My mom seems to really like this house. The neighborhood seems well enough too. I just hope my brothers don't seek out the same problems as they have in the last neighborhood.

A little about what I will blog about and some history...

2009-03-17T14:13:00.001-05:00

I am trying to keep an open record of my feelings and a running record of day to day things that single moms deal with.
I have been raising my daughter since Sept. '08 Her father and I had a fight that could not be fixed. I decided for the safety of her and myself to leave. I have struggled with life since. I recently came home to my mothers house. I am currently working on divorce and getting paternity established for Monkey.
I am dealing right now with a decision that I feel I shouldn't have to make. My daughters father seems to not want anything to do with her. I find it hard to understand his feelings on wanting nothing to do with her. It seems it is all or nothing with him. I just want Monkey to have her parents in her life. My decision is either to fight him for childsupport or give him the easy way out and ask for his rights. I fight the pros and cons everyday. I am open to suggestions if anyone has any.

My personal experiance as a single mommy.

2009-03-17T13:06:00.002-05:00

I have decided to start blogging again. I miss it horribly.

A little about us.

Me- I am Fox. I try to keep names out of my blogs so I come up with nick names. I am 27 yrs old and have become a single mommy. I am working on a relationship with an old friend that is taking its time. I am in no rush to get into another relationship. I am a very protective mother. My daughter is my number one and will always be my number one.

Monkey- is also known as Tinker or other names- is 2 years old and the love and center of my life. She is also kept close and protected. I don't let everyone meet her in person. She hasn't seen her father since Sept. 08. That is by his choice. I have tried very hard to keep in contact with him. He has said a few times that he isn't even sure if she is his. I know she is. We are going through a divorce and dealing with establishing paternity. Right now my daughter needs to heal and learn how much she is loved by the ones who love her.

Grand Ma- is my mother age is unknown- she is my back up in my life. I love her no matter how much she may cause me grief by being my mom.

PopPop- is my Father age also unknown- he is a truck driver that tries to see us when he can. We all love him dearly.

Grand Pa- is my step-father age not important- he keeps my mother happy and is currently deployed in Iraq.

Now we have my brothers:

Starting with the oldest

DarkBoxPlayer-21
Viral-18
Shadow-12
LegoMan-10
and last but not least
Peanut-4